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Thoughts at 30,000 feet

Hard to believe it’s been nearly a month since I posted to the blog. I guess I should have realized I was long overdue when I received a few emails wondering if I driven off the road or, worse, fallen into the Grand Canyon.

So, now at 30,000 feet, I thought I should check in….

Yup, I said 30,000 feet – no scenic byways today – had to park the rig for a week and head out of Denver to Atlanta to attend to some personal biz and tie up some loose ends there.

I know you’re all feeling better about the fact that I didn’t take a dive into the Grand Canyon. But, I did extend my stay a few times as I became more and more enchanted with the place – hiking, exploring and photographing for days on end – an amazing place. More on that in the days to come.

As I blogged about earlier – 3:30AM wake-ups and long days in the field left little time and even less energy to write. And, that pace continued into Monument Valley and Moab, UT/Arches National Park and then Ouray, Colorado… just a hint of the tales to come….

But maybe it was something more…seems I have been experiencing the well known  🙂  but not always understood….

Inverse Blogging Principle

The number of blog posts is inversely proportional to the number of hikes taken

Yup, another RV’er, Ross over at the Magic Bus, brought this scientific principle to my attention. And, Ross is a doctor so he knows about this stuff!!

So, time to slow down and catch up in the days to come…

In the meantime, I’ll take a break from the regularly scheduled programming and share a funny write-up about airline travel that I recalled I had saved. After all, summer season is travel season and we all need a little humor while dealing with TSA, the airlines and the crowds.

Now, don’t get me wrong – the trip out of Denver was actually quite enjoyable. Denver airport is a site to see – with a terminal that mimics the Rockies in the distance

And, my seatmate was a great guy to get to know. As a seasoned traveler, I usually pop the Bose headset on, turn up the music, and ignore everyone around me. This time, after this guy makes a humorous comment about Delta and I realize he’s an irreverent and funny seasoned traveler too, we are quickly into a wide ranging discussion. And, I quickly learn he’s a seasoned traveler because he’s Jimmie Fadden from Nitty Gritty Dirt Band and has been touring for 46 years…often in the “rock star RV” – a Prevost –very cool! We talked about places we’ve lived, our kids, our ex-wives (his 3, my 2 ☺ ), our careers…a nice way to spend a couple of hours at 30,000 feet

Now I have to tell you though – that as nice a trip as it was, I still prefer my RV now – time to get my feet back on the ground again; time to get the hiking boots on again; time to get back to blogging and posting pictures again….

But for now, fasten your seat belt, put the seats in their upright and locked position, and enjoy your flight…

Ladies and Gentlemen, This Is Your Captain Speaking.

On behalf of the flight crew, let me welcome you aboard Delta Flight 1647 to Dallas-Fort Worth with continuing service to Sacramento. We should touch down in Dallas at 5:23 local time, depending on this headwind. And assuming I decide to go there.

Folks, we’ve just hit our cruising altitude of 11,000 feet. I’ve turned off the seat-belt light, which means you are now free to move about the cabin. However, for your own safety, please fasten it when you are seated, in case we encounter any unexpected turbulence or I jerk the stick back and forth.

This one time, I hit an “air pocket” and sent, like, 12 passengers flying straight up to the ceiling. One guy died. Although, to be precise, you don’t “fly straight up” when that happens. The airplane drops, while you remain in place. So the ceiling hits you hard in the head. Not fun!

Though I’ve turned off the seat-belt light, please note the “no smoking” light will remain on throughout the flight, in compliance with FAA regulations. You may not smoke in the lavatories and federal law prohibits tampering with the smoke detector. Feel free to pack a chew or eat loudly, though. Those aren’t federal crimes. Not yet!

Flight attendants, two dirty martinis to the cockpit, please.

Another light I’ve turned on is the “don’t wiggle your leg obsessively” light. Why do some people do that? Just sit there shaking their leg back and forth.

Most of these extra lights I designed myself.

But please also note FAA regulations require passengers to follow the instructions of the flight crew at all times. So if I make up something, but don’t have a light with an icon of that action, you still have to do it. There’s no way I can think of a light for everything I might want you to do.

So, did you hear the one about the airline passenger who was so stupid, the other airline passengers noticed? Folks, I kid.

To clear up the questions on everybody’s mind: All the female flight attendants have husbands, though the brunette married for money and really needs to get some. Actually, the redhead’s single, but I got dibs. Both the male flight attendants are gay. The blond has a committed partner (good guy, FYI), but the bald dude parties. I’m a Capricorn and your co-pilot is a Sag.

Another thing, flight attendants, please don’t stress the articles and prepositions when you deliver the in-flight instructions. For example, don’t say, “Please DO raise your tray tables TO the upright AND locked position.” Instead, say, “Please do RAISE your tray tables to the UPRIGHT and LOCKED position.” For some reason you all think emphasizing the less important words, like helping verbs and whatnot, makes you sound professional. It just cheapens the in-flight instructions. No offense.

Also, I get way bored up here. Really, you have no idea. So, to keep my skills sharp, I sometimes pretend there’s flak exploding all around the plane. In addition to evasive maneuvers, I might scream orders over the cabin P.A. and occasionally even pray to God to just spare the lives of my crew with families. As I said, it keeps my skills sharp. You should thank me, honestly.

Don’t worry, though, those commie sons of bitches won’t take me alive. Not while there’s breath in my lungs and strength in my flesh. Again, kidding! Somebody stop me!

If I or one of the other members of your flight crew walks the length of the plane without pants, please remain calm and seated. That’s just a little game we play.

On behalf of your cockpit and cabin crews, please, sit back and enjoy your trip.

We now keep pistols in the cockpit. Thank you, Congress. Awesome.




2 Comments Post a comment
  1. Thanks for the mention. The pilot bit is hysterical. We arrived at a 1000 Trails campground near Bend, Oregon to cool temps and no wildfires. Now we’re planning some hikes in Deshutes NF. We’ve hit 2 of the local breweries and the farmers market in 3 days. Thinking we’ll stay in Central Oregon a month then hit the cost.

    Hope you get your feet back on the ground safely and off to your next adventure.

    July 2, 2012
    • Stephen #

      glad you liked the pilot bit – even met Delta pilot last night with whom I shared the piece – he got a kick out of it too. enjoy the cooler temps- I am doing likewise – extending my stay in Ouray where it’s only in the 70’s with cooling breeze too. safe travels

      July 2, 2012

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